Mamie Sue, Stinky (and Peanut Butter too!)

Crazy name for a blog post, huh? Well, I decided today that I was going to write a blog post about two people that will forever be in my heart....my sisters. Mamie Sue is the name we deemed Jamie with when she was young. Apparently it had something to do with me and my grandfather. I told him that was her name at some point, and it stuck. Stinky, or Peanut Butter to me, was my littlest sister, Kathryn Mary. Notice to all of Jamie's friends, I never called her Ratgirl. That was all you guys' doing!
Now, anyone that knows my family, knows that my sisters and I haven't always been the closest. In fact, some could probably say that Jamie and I have been known to be each other's arch nemesis at one point or another. Kathryn, on the other hand, is more like a daughter to me because there is a 12 year difference between us. Some of you may even remember me pushing her in her stroller on the streets of Southwood during my teenage summers. That was my life then.
Growing up, I always got to see my mom and her sisters and how tight they were. They took care of their baby brother, Butch, and were each other's first best friends. I didn't have that with either of my sisters. Mainly because of the age difference between Kathryn and me. Jamie and I, well we just never really saw eye-to-eye.
We are three years apart, Jamie and I. Believe me, my great-grandmother had that saying recorded "remember, she is three years younger than you!" Three years is a strange gap for kids. I was old enough to realize when she was brought home and I was no longer the big cheese. Did that breed resentment?? Oh, hell yeah! And think about it, three years apart means you're in 8th grade, she's entering 5th grade. You're a senior in high school, she's a freshman. Just when I would make it to the top, there was my nagging little sister who rode on my coat tails, or so I thought.
Jamie was tough. She was a lefty, outspoken, didn't want long hair, or to wear a dress. The exact opposite of me. I'd play little league or go to Girl Scout camp and the cut-off for my age group would be Jamie's age. So she always ended up with me. It always seemed that I was annoyed that Jamie was my tag-along. But the truth was, I was always jealous of her. I can remember Girl Scout camp and this mean old lady who was the swimming instructor. We had to do a swim test to be able to go into the deeper water. We all dove in and did that test, and Jamie loved nothing more than to swim. But she "failed" the test, and was relegated to the little strip of shallow water that was buoyed off from the rest of us. I was humiliated for her. I wanted to punch the old swim coach they called "Oscar" right in between the eyes. She singled Jamie out and made her swim alone. But I was jealous! Why? Because Jamie could have cared less, and dove in and out of the water without a care in the world. I, on the other hand, would have been mortified and probably cried my eyes out. Not Jamie, she just smiled and splashed away.
We were supposed to be each other's best friend, my aunts would remind us of that often. Our grandmothers pleaded with us to get along. We were just too different. I wanted to play dolls, Jamie wanted to play guns. I wanted to wear fancy clothes like my mom, Jamie was content in a New Kids on the Block sweatsuit (You're welcome, Jamie). We just never clicked.
When Kathryn came along, I was 12 years old and probably going on 35. I was a nervous nelly and pretty much looked 35 too. I probably could have had my own kid at that age and been more responsible than I was in my 20s....but that's another story. Kathryn was like happiness embodied. Sure, there were a few times (Gettysburg family trip) where she was the child of Satan, I was convinced. But for the most part, I loved having her around. She brought the magic back to Christmas. The joy into a spring day. The laughter of a child. All of those things brought our home back to life.
She was like a little adult in a pint-sized body. She always was talking to adults and had not a reserved bone in her body. She and my dad were two peas in a pod in those days. They did everything together from fishing to seeing Daddy at his woo-woos (the firehouse). Kathryn would crawl into my bed on Christmas Eve and I would assure her that Santa would be coming this year, and try to get her excitement to die down enough for her to sleep just a little bit. She came to all my games as a cheerleader, and everyone would giggle when she would stand at the bars to the bleachers saying "Jodie, Hi Jodie, Jodie!" I went to college for a year and would come home to see her karate classes. She would be so proud to show me her latest "moves" as a 6-year-old. When I moved out of the house when she was 10, her little lip quivered as she stifled her cries as she was going home from my new apartment. She called me crying because she was looking at pictures of us together when she got home....yes, like I had died or something when I was actually across town living in a rat-trap apartment on Tipp Hill.
So my relationships with my sisters have been completely different over the years and with one sister I struggled to maintain a relationship. The other, as she grew up, became more distant because she didn't need me anymore. Did I want a close relationship with both of them? You bet. The words always echoed in my ears from my mom and aunts, "Your sisters are supposed to be your best friends." So how come I could be friends with basically a brick wall, but when it came to them, my brick wall went up? How would I change that? What could change that? One word, cancer.
People look at me like I'm bats*it crazy when I say this, but this diagnosis has had its blessings. It's helped me to live in the moment, stop and smell the roses, enjoy the mundane. But it has also brought my sisters and me closer than ever. I think that that Monday night when I was told I had malignancies in my liver, the world stopped turning on its axis for all three of us. Until that point, I think we all thought we had all the time in the world to reconnect, join forces, to love each other. But when those phone calls were made, and the "c" word was said, we realized life is precious and doesn't last forever. You have to live in the present and say things that you want to say, when you want to say them. You have to mend fences, break down walls, and make your way back to people now....not later. You can't put those things off. And family is of the utmost importance.
I can't say how they both dealt with the news of my diagnosis. I can say that when I was going through all the testing and the doctor mentioned that it might be cancer, they both broke down. Jamie was half a country away in Las Vegas and broke down at her lunch table. Kathryn was at my bedside because she had gotten in her car as soon as she heard the possibility and drove 6 hours to hold my hand and reassure me all would be ok. Jamie wrote me a text message that I hold close to my heart and that I read alone in my dark hospital room that night after everyone had left. It said what I needed to hear, and I will leave it at that.
The actual diagnosis surprised us all, and caught us off-guard. This can't happen to us, it won't happen to us....but it did. So what did my sisters do? They did what sisters are supposed to do...they rallied. They became like the Thompson women. Jamie came to town and when I came through the door, she hugged me and shook with sobs.....something I had never seen before. I held her and let her cry and told her I would be ok because I realized then, I have to be ok. I'm getting the relationship I want with both of my sisters. Jamie and I played like little girls one night over Christmas, with the karaoke machine she bought me. We were singing at the top of our lungs to some 80s tunes and could have cared less who was listening or watching. It was like we were 5 and 8 again, and no one could stop us (not even Dad banging on the floor!). Jamie also has taken to chasing me around the house with gross green juices that she hopes will cure me. She calls me every night with the latest juice to try despite my gagging on the other end. And when I was in the hospital, she created a binder with all my health info that I am to keep up-to-date (strict orders). The nurses loved all the hole punching she did in my hospital room. Kathryn bought me head scarves and taught me how to tie them and offered to shave her own head (Which I told her to wait until Cameron put a ring on it to do....he shaved his head instead) And she has been at my hospital bed side asking all the right medical questions. She's even working on getting me a new liver if need be! She's also rearranged her work schedule to be up here to take me to chemo every three weeks! Who knew my 23-year-old sister would be taking care of me?
I watch Kathryn with my Sammy and it is like watching my younger self with her as a baby. She loves that little boy so much, as does Jamie, and I know that they can and will and have nurtured him on the days when I am weak and can't make my way out of the bed. Sammy knows he is loved and can see me in their faces and hear me in their voices. Because we are sisters and we are alike, despite all the years, distance and differences between us. We finally got there, and we got here because of cancer. If there is one thing I can thank cancer for, it is these newfound relationships. And now that we are together and working as one team, I know....We got this!